Most of us have seen some sort of movie depicting “Mean Girls” in adolescent schools. I don’t know about you but where I came from we didn’t have mean girls, so when I see these movies I am baffled by what some people experience or by the film industries over exaggeration. Now as a mother I am terrified by the idea that my girls may be bullied at school. However, overcoming adversity is a strategic mind game in which I think everyone should learn to play.
My eight year old daughter started third grade at a new school this year. She went from a small two class per grade school to double the size. Most of the kids at her new school have already formed cliques and my daughter is not one to push her way in. Recently we noticed she was not coming home excited and after a mini inquisition we found out the girls were not inviting her into their cliques and she was forced to sit at the boys table during lunch. While this sounds trivial to us adults it is a huge deal to a stress free eight year old. (Who by the way, makes excellent grades. ;)
Now is the time to teach my daughter the strategic mind game of overcoming adversity which I like to call “Adversity Slayer.” After a short discussion with my daughter on what adversity is and how everyone faces difficulties at times, even the girls at the “cool” table, I let my daughter in on a little secret. Everyone wants to belong; it is up to you to find your own belonging and you to allow others to belong. Now let’s think about what we can do to let people in while being invited in. The answer seemed simple enough, all kids like candy. So I loaded my daughter’s lunch bag with candy and said “when you get to school let your friends know that you have candy and you would like to share.” That evening when my daughter arrived home she was beaming. “What happened?” I said. “I told my friends I had candy and then when I went to lunch all the girls were saving me seats and asking me to sit with them.” “That is very good sweetie, now that you have found a way in you must earn their respect without candy by being a good friend, listening, sharing, and never bullying.” I said. After a few days we quit putting candy in her bag and she was on her own and her own was good enough.
The path to greatness is often riddled with difficulties. Not one person can say they did not have to overcome some type of adversity at some point in their life. For many of us WAHM’s adversity becomes a daily noun. As long as we stay on track and remember the game of adversity is just a strategic logical move to greatness then we will all succeed. While my example here is trivial it is one we can all understand, the need to belong. When that need is gone we have nothing left to live for. Moving forward look adversity straight in the eyes and remember your strategic move is always the best move.
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While researching posts on Adversity and Resilience, Suga Rae +1′d this, and I’m delighted with this referral.
“Everyone wants to belong; it is up to you to find your own belonging and you to allow others to belong. Now let’s think about what we can do to let people in while being invited in.”
I remember being the only Black student in top classes where the kids were all White or Asian. Sticking out did not help when you added that I never took the same bus home with these students.
Making things worse, I spent my summers around kids from the neighborhood and nearby neighborhoods, but I was still isolated due to not being around them all year long and not sharing the same interests.
Interestingly enough, the quote you gave your daughter pulled these instances up as I read. Why? Because you’re right, the need to feel accepted runs rampant as a child.
And it continues into adulthood if you’re not smart enough to do exactly as you’ve described – create a pathway to enter and maintain it with the exact principles of etiquette that make others feel accepted as well.
Thanks!